Man oh man. Fucking Martha’s. It’s really enough already. Those employees are so cracked out on some crazy concoction of speed and happy pills, that they somehow manage to exude the traits of a creepy bygone RL Stine classic (ha – I’m so well-read) and a whacky SNL skit…all at the same time. What I’m ranting about is that eerily joyful (yet annoying) locale situated in the MVR basement – Martha’s Restaurant and its staff.
Now, everyone encounters the overly happy complete-stranger every once in a while (you know who I’m talking about – when someone you just meet is so nice to you that your paranoid brain tells you to mistrust them.) But, you deal with the awkwardness and sometimes can even accept it. Well, this is not just A complete stranger guys; there are about six loony-bin strangers that must be dealt with at Martha’s. These workers coagulate their elation-about-nothing into such a concentrated Jello mold of joy, if you will, that one little taste is enough to make you feel comparatively depressed. Who needs that at lunchtime…or ever?
Though they’re hard at work making lunch, they sing, they dance, and the intolerably effeminate manager will only give you your sandwich if you scream “‘Woohoo!’ with ‘guth-toe’” (that’s “gusto,” in non-effeminate-ish) upon its completion. [Just a side note: I’ve managed to escape that one so far, so don’t come stalk me on my lunch break expecting a good laugh at my expense.] And that ‘aint all folks! For instance, the new cashier “Margie,” whose obese stature and unsightly countenance would make her a sure candidate for Prozac in any other environment than Martha’s…well…even she’s happy! Fucking happier than me! Oh yeah, and when this other dude makes you your sandwich or salad, it’s not just any sandwich or salad, it’s a “‘beautiful’ sandwich with a side of ‘beautiful’ day,” and a “‘beautiful’ salad for a ‘beautiful’ girl.” PERSONIFYING FOOD IS NOT FUNNY, ASSHOLE. It’s stupid and weird.
Now, you may be thinking, “If they piss you off so much, why the hell do you keep going back?” Well, simply put, I love food. And they make some pretty fucking tasty food. In fact, if they didn’t make such a goddamn yummy tuna sandwich (see, I’m tying together that whole lunch and tuna thing now – [see Post 1]), I would do everything in my power to make them close shop. They do, though, so for now, I’ll continue to let my passion for eating give me the energy to put up with their uncanny overzealousness for making us lunch.
Bottom line: I don’t think that this little rant did this situation much justice. You really must experience the insanity for yourself to believe it and comprehend its full extent. So if you haven’t yet paid a visit to this eatery to sample its delectable cuisine, you really must check it out to witness its whack-ass employees in action. It’ll definitely provide you with the ingredients for a good laugh initially, but beware Macbeth, as something rotten this way comes. Don’t linger too long, as I can guarantee the novelty will quickly fade…and the gorges are just way too close by. HAVE A BEAUTIFUL TUESDAY!
Posted by bmf32 
